Ezra isn't feeling well today (we're getting some molars), and while I was trying to calm him down so he would take a nap, I thought of something interesting. Obviously there are things that I have learned since I got pregnant and had Ezra, but I never really thought about it before. While I was rocking him, I thought about when I was younger and how I used to babysit my niece and nephew. Back then, I never would have known how to calm a hysterical baby. Luckily, I never really had to because they were always so excited for me to babysit them that they were pretty happy the whole time. My point is, there is something so magical to me about knowing exactly what to do to calm someone. (Of course, sometimes there is just nothing to be done, and he just needs to get it out.) There is something so rewarding about knowing these little things, like where his head feels most comfortable, tucked right under my chin. Or that he likes to have one arm under mine, but the other needs to be over my other arm. Most of it is just practice and trial and error, but it has become so natural. Its amazing to me. My transformation from woman to mother has been the most challenging, wonderful, sometimes scary, rewarding things I've ever done. I love it.
Another thing I have learned about since becoming pregnant and having Ezra is breastfeeding. Oohh, breastfeeding. That one was a battle for us. Since I had a cesarean and wasn't able to try to nurse Ezra until the day after he was born, breastfeeding was a big challenge in the beginning. But we tried and tried (and pumped and pumped) and never gave up, and one day, it just kind of clicked. I was so proud of us for sticking it out, and while I know that some women choose not to breastfeed, I knew it was the best choice for us, and I am so happy that I never gave up.
Before I got pregnant, I didn't know anything about childbirth. Basically as soon as I got pregnant, I started doing research. A good friend got me what is now my favorite book ever, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. That book is like my pregnancy and childbirth bible. I have read it cover to cover at least three times, (and referenced it too many times to count) and every time I read it I learn a little more. Getting pregnant opened up a whole new world of information to soak up. Since then I have become a crazy sponge for knowledge about birth, labor techniques, birth/cesarean/vbac laws, advocacy for women during the childbirth cycle, and so much more. It has become my passion, I really cannot get enough. (Which is why I have recently started looking at midwifery schools!)
I am amazed at how much becoming a mother has changed me. I knew it would, but I didn't realize my heart could feel this big. I am so grateful to Jeff for putting up with my frustrations and for listening to me talk endlessly about the maternity care system in the US or bitch about VBAC bans/unnecessary c-sections/episiotomies and other things I'm sure he doesn't want to talk or hear about. And I am grateful to my Ezra, for being the best kid ever. Having him has inspired me to inform myself, inform others, and to follow my passions. I love you two more than anything in the world.
Just for fun, here is my awesome dude being awesome!
